Today is the last day of classes. And in a way, for seniors, today signifies the last day of being supported by Mom and Dad. And that shit sucks. Most seniors have to be pretty pissed off and are probably going to go out with a bang. So find a senior girl and give her that last bang she’s craving so deeply. Just remind her what the road ahead entails, I’m sure it won’t take much convincing.
You have nothing to worry about until Finals, Slightly Stoopid is playing in the mods, so find a depressed senior and capitalize.
Some bros will think this is funny…I think this guy is about are courageous as bros come. Below is Kyle Maynard, a quadruple congenital (from birth) amputee. Last night, Kyle took the stage in a pay-per-view MMA match and unfortunately while he lost, he a set a new precedent for others with physical disabilities. The fight put his challenger in a no-win situation, and was pretty disappointing on the whole. Kyle has been competing on an unfair playing field his whole life, playing football, wrestling and even becoming a champion weighlifter.
“Quite frankly everybody has a disability,” Maynard said. “People go through personal issues of character, morality, spirituality, emotional. It doesn’t just have to be something physical. Everybody has something to overcome.”
I think we can all learn something from this bro. Props Kyle…Good luck in the future.
It has long been rumored that bros from China, Japan and the rest of the far East haven’t been able to measure up to Westerners when it comes to the bedroom. A new report from BBC however claims that its actually Indian men who can’t stack up. Apparently there have been some pretty violent protests over the international standards for the size of condoms as over half of Indian men find the average condom too big and are unable to use it. They’re now fighting for smaller condoms, but lets be real, that won’t solve their issue of inferiority. Luckily for the Slumdog Millionaire, and his impossibly hot girlfriend, an enhancement is only a few thousand rupees away.
Last Friday night I was excited. I was all set up, ducks in a row. I finally got a chance to take out this super-hot babe I’ve sort of been talking to the past couple weeks. We went to see Slumdog Millionaire. She’s seen it already, but I haven’t- for a reason. Everybody saw that bitch the first week it was out. Now, three supple months later, the theatre is empty of people but full of hope. Handjob hope. I walked up to the freshmen dorms and picked up my date.She’s not as hot in person as she is on the ‘book, but she’s still at least a 7. I pay for the movie (points!) and we get some good seats right in the middle of the back row. Sure enough, the place was pretty empty- no one within three rows. The lights go down and I’m pumped because my elbow is grazing her boob and she’s totally into it.
The movie is pretty paint-by-numbers from what I remember.A kid fell in some shit, a bunch of girls got slapped around, and everybody’s really poor. I made a hilarious joke during a scene where these little monkey children were running on top of this train that was going super fast. Of course there was no way they could hang on so I go, “Runaway train? More like runaway lame.” She told me to “SHH” but that’s just because she’s a freshman, she didn’t really get the joke.If she was a senior she would have definitely picked up on the irony. She got up to go to the bathroom which was good- it let me focus a little more on the film. Turns out all the little kids get rich by ripping off tourists. They give all the money to the oldest kid, who wears sunglasses and smokes. He uses all their money to finance his construction business- in a way it’s kind of like the plight of Stringer in the HBO show “The Wire.” Whereas Stringer was trying to maintain a life of luxury by legitimizing his business exploits, the little monkey kids were just looking to get paid- no matter how.
Unofficial Trailer:
Anyways, when my date comes back from the bathroom it’s in the middle of a scene where a belly dancer and her brothers kill this guy. He grabbed a pillow and pulled it up all slow-mo and- BAM! BAM! BAM! He shot the dude through the pillow! I was amped up! I think my date got kind of excited and she grabbed onto my arm and pulled me back into my seat. Go time. We made out slow at first but then sped up. It was getting hot and then she pulls back and looks at me, right in the eyes, and says in a sexy voice, “This is the best part.” I’m pretty caught up in the moment so I say, “You’re damn right this is the best part” and I start to unzip my pants.
The rest of the movie I watched by myself. Turns out my date wasn’t “that type of girl” that appreciates good movies and even better romantic timing. Slumdog Millionaire is not a good movie. It is so bad that I’ll even give away the ending: it’s a traditional Indian pop music dance scene. I personally thought it was racist.
Phillip Markoff, The Craigslist Killer, was captured a few days ago on his way to bro out at a casino. This monster was born and bred in the forests of Upstate New York where he attended UAlbany until he eventually entered into Medical School at BU. Everyone knows that BU guys love massages, and by massages I mean Chinatown HJ parlors, so it is no surprise that this guy quickly got caught up in fast world of hookers. What Phillip Markoff missed to realize during his time at BU is that you cannot kill the hookers, even if you met her on the creepy cesspool of a site that is craigslist.com.
What the fudge?
Poor fiance. Guess her radar for hooker addicted serial killers wasn’t on.
I was recently enlightened to what the McGangBang was and feel obligated to inform you all. It is the greatest creation in fast food. You can order it and some McDonalds employees are knowledgeable enouh to create it but if not just order yourself a Double cheeseburger and a McChicken. You separate the two beef patties and insert the McChicken and then enjoy. It is perfect for you stoner bros or a cureall for the drunken munchies. This sandwich may take years off your life but is well worth it.
Everyone is guilty of watching a reality TV show now and then. There’s undoubtedly great ones; Punk’d, Kenny vs Spenny, Man vs Wild, etc. Last night however I discovered that MTV thinks Americans are all legally retarded. Their latest piece of shit to squeeze through their television network -- The Phone -- is probably the worst show ever. Produced by Justin Timberlake, this show tries to get the audience to believe that the contestants are randomly called after signing up for a reality TV show, and then, are needed to save the world! With their cellphones! It kind of feels like Die Hard with a Vengeance, except no Bruce Willis. Instead every episode has the same crappy actors that play in the MTV’s NEXT, so beware its easy to watch just to see how pathetic these actors are.
This week we have a funktastic track from Chromeo, a cruisin’ tune from Geggy Tah, and a nice video from Friendly Fires. Turn up the bass, turn down the suck.
So my bro just sent me some stellar footage of him doing some crazy stunts this weekend. Here’s a little look at some of the video….
Just fucking with ya dumbass, I actually have no idea who that guy is but I’m glad that there are enough idiots like him out there to keep us entertained. Long live stupidity!
