You’ve Got A Friend
The guys who birthed the popular YouTube sensation – The Ultimate Lax Bro – also have a blog. Here is one post I thought was really funny.
We all have a diverse group of friends. Different personalities, different backgrounds, different ethnicities and so on. Your circle of friends is probably pretty similar to someone else’s group of friends, you just don’t realize it. Here is a list of some friends that you may have:
The Black friend: This is your pride and joy, unless you’re black, then it’s just a regular friend. Anyway, those of you who have a black friend, you feel really good about this one. You probably think your better than most people as you have a black friend, hence meaning your not racist. With your black friend however, you act completely racist towards him, whether you know it or not. Saying the “N” word in front of him isn’t cool, regardless if he laughs a little. Saying things like, “Hey Jerome, your black, what’s that rap song by Tupac again?” or “Hey Tyrell, I didn’t know black people could swim without their shirts on” is racist. You enjoy spending time with your black friend and showing him off to others. You say things to your white friends like “Dude, he’s a white-black kid, he went to (insert a good college your racist white friends wouldn’t think a black person would go). You often bring him to events he otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to attend. Maybe a luncheon at your country club, cocktail parties, or even NFL football games (seriously, have you ever seen a black person in the stands?).
Click Here For Your Other Friends
The Jewish friend: Most people have a jewish friend and treat him like any other friend. You do however drop consistent anti semitic comments around him, and never apologize. The thing is, you drop so many jewish jokes and comments around him because he claims “I’m not that Jewish guys.” Really? Not that Jewish? Then why did you have a Bar Mitzvah, which by the way was awesome, great choice to have it at the Funky Fun Zone. And why do you celebrate every jewish holiday? I have a feeling our jewish friends resent us more then we know. Whatever, every Jew I know lives a nice lifestyle, probably because their cheap and save it all up.
The Mexican friend: This friend isn’t necessarily from Mexico, he could be from any part of South America, he’s still your Mexican friend. Like your Jewish friend you rip into Mexicans whenever he’s around. Again, by Mexican I mean anyone from South America. However, instead of making cheap jokes and lawyer jokes, you really say some fucked up things about your Mexican friend. Whether it’s seeing a day laborer on the street and referring to that person as your friend’s dad, or seeing that an illegal immigrant froze to death and calling your friend to make sure it “wasn’t his dad” isn’t cool. Your Mexican friend may have a really spanish name, such as Jose, or Guermillo, but goes by Joe or Billy. Does he have one of those Latin tans, or is he more European looking? This could make or a break a close friendship and just being an acquaintance as most people are still extremely prejudice and prefer the European looking Mexican.
The Freak Athlete/Talk Up All the time friend: Most of us have a friend that played or plays a popular college sport (aka Football or Basketball) at a popular Division 1 school. You boast about this friend often to your college friends, or Co-workers. When he’s on TV you hype him up and tell everyone around that he’s playing, and that he did go to your high school and he is in fact your Facebook friend. When he messes up you say things like “Dude in high school, that never happened.” When he does something well you say things like “Dude in high school, he would do that all time.” Of course you have the “my friend who plays football at Iowa is better than your friend who plays basketball at Georgetown” conversation all the time with people, usually when you’re drunk. You need to break away from this story, go talk to chicks instead. It’s cool that he played hoops at Georgetown and all, but no one else gives a shit. If he’s not going to the NFL, or NBA, just drop it.
The Asian friend: I should clarify “asian friend” first. No one has an asian friend. They’re usually half (insert nationality) half asian. You rarely see a pure 100% Asian friend in groups. It’s hard to find a solid asian friend. There often too busy playing the violin or becoming doctors. Your half asian friend is awesome though. I think the half asian friend is all possible thanks to Tiger Woods. You still make jokes about him being half asian and how he’s like Tiger Woods whenever you play golf with him.
The Fat friend: Everybody has a fat friend within their group. You love your fat friend. You do of course rip into your fat friend like their is no tomorrow. He makes you feel good about yourself because you know your not as fat as him. Your fat friend is really bad to hang out with when your high or late night drunk. It’s always weird how you eat things like a pizza topped with Doritos and gummy bears when your with your fat friend. It’s always funny when your with your fat friend though because he’s constantly on a “diet.” Really? You’ve been dieting for 6 years and gained weight, I don’t get it.
The Hockey temper friend: Most of us have a friend thats a loose cannon. He’ll be laughing one minute and the next he’s snapping his lap top in 2 because he can’t beat his high score in Bejeweled anymore. This friend often starts fights at bars for simple reasons like “That guy’s scarf is fucking gay, and he’s wearing a Red Sox hat.” You enjoy hanging out with your hockey temper friend but often think at times “Do you really need to be raging right now?” For such small things like: he can’t find a sock, or a Hot Pocket is cold in the middle. Even when you try to settle him down he focuses his rage on you. In those situations it’s just best to duck and cover while he throws a tantrum in another room.
The Arab Friend: Not Applicable…this one may take a few years.
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